Thursday, July 2, 2009

I Just Can't Catch a Break

So Tuesday was the third and last series of shots. We headed down to Rancho Mirage in 112 degree heat (god, I HATE the desert), got all signed in, and then waited a short time until it was time for the nurse to do my write-up. I answered all her questions, and then she asked me if anything was different or had changed in the past two weeks. I told her that I had lost 20 pounds in a week and was barfing every night - all night. She looked at me funny and went to talk to the doctor. Then she came back, told me to go have a ciggie while I waited for the procedure, and that was that.

I had barely finished my ciggie when the PA came out and told me they were ready for me. I was led into one of the operating suites and went to lay down on the table. That's when things changed.

I can't remember the PA's name, but I've had him before and he's really nice. He told me that they were doing another procedure and that I'd have to sit up with my forearms on my thighs. I asked him what was going on, and he said that the doc was going to do a spinal tap. I had to sit like that so my spine was curved, thereby allowing access to my spine.

A what? A SPINAL TAP???? Oh no. Oh no no no. I've heard those things hurt. I asked him if it was absolutely necessary and why the doctor was doing one. He didn't know, but he told me that the doctor was good at them and not to worry. Sigh. Why couldn't it be the band that was coming to play or something?

The doc came in the room all cheery and happy, and I asked him why he was about to torture me. You have to realize that this man is always happy and usually banters with you while he's sticking you full of needles. He got serious and told me that he needed to check something. Shit. Then he told me to breathe slowly and deeply, and to just relax and not move. Then I felt it.

I am here to tell you that spinal taps make those steroid shots feel like a massage. I thought I was going to pass out, but it was over in about five minutes. Then he held up the vial for me to see. The fluid was clear and viscous with little things floating in it. He went, "Hmmm" as he looked at it. I asked him what the floating things were, and he said that's what the lab was going to find out. Then he said that something was a definite possibility, and even if it turned out to not be so, he wanted me to be prepared. I looked at him and said, "Prepared for what? What do you think is wrong?". Then he told me.

Bone cancer.

On top of the other shit.

OH FUCK.

I sort of went blank after that. I didn't even feel the steroid shots. He wants me to see another doctor pronto and gave me a list to see if my insurance covers any of them. We'll find out in a couple of weeks if I do have bone cancer. If I do, then I have some hard decisions to make. In the meantime, I'm trying to ignore it. I'm actually the calmest one in the family. My poor mother is falling apart, and Hubster is having a difficult time, too. But I've sort of come to the realization that I'm terminal anyway, so what's one more thing? Besides, I may not even have it.

So that was the fun and games I got to experience at the doctor's office.

On Monday, we went to Sea World in the evening for my belated birthday outing. They have a new thing this year where they're open until 11 p.m. Because we got there late, we only got to see one show - the Shamu Rocks! show - but it was way cool. We went on some rides, got soaked, took the sky tram over Mission Bay (stunning - I'd sell my soul to live in San Diego), and looked at a bunch of stuff. The neat thing is that our tickets are good for the rest of the year. All I have to do is order an ECV and a parking pass online at least three days before we go (to ensure that I get a scooter), and we can go every day if we want and not pay admission. A lot of the parks down here are doing similar things. The economy has hit them all hard (with what they charge to get in, I'm surprised that they get any business at all), so they're trying all kinds of gimmicks. Southern California residents also get special consideration and special deals. I want the Disneyland pass - that's my happy place - but I won't go until the fall. It's too hot and there are too many kids right now for my comfort zone.

Emma is glued to me like flies on shit. I can't go to the bathroom without her suddenly bolting up from a dead sleep and walking ahead of me. What's so endearing is that if I fall on the stairs, she's right there licking my face as if I were a puppy, trying her best to save me. Then she walks ahead of me on the stairs in case I fall again. I guess she figures she can break my fall and protect me, and she probably can. Speaking of the M, here's a new picture of her:


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I was sitting in my knitting chair right next to her. I had made a sound or something, and she went on full alert. She looks a little different than she did as a puppy, doesn't she?

My current knitting project is a pair of socks for a lady who was a customer (and still is), but has now become more like a sister. She knitted me two pairs of socks (I have to get pictures of them on here) and included two gifts with them. This is the third time I've started these damned things because I fucked up on frogging them (lace is such a bitch to rip back), and then got mad and cut the sock free from the ball - twice. This is why I always buy two skeins, unless the yardage is WAY above 400 yards. Here's a picture of the first one. Enjoy!


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The yarn is by Neighborhood Fiber Co. I can't remember the name of the color, but it's her colors. I normally don't knit with a tight twist yarn, but it knits like a dream. Once you stretch it out, it looks totally different. I sent her this picture to see if she liked the colors and pattern, but I purposely didn't stretch it out so she has something to look forward to. I think she likes it. :)

One of the new artists who is coming onboard is called "lightbrownhare". Wait until you see her yarn. You're all going to shit a major brick. I've already bought something like eight skeins, I think. All but one of them is tight twist. Hmm... maybe I've turned some corner and am becoming something other than what I thought. Anyway, check her out on Etsy. She does two skeins in the dyepot of the type of yarn I've been buying - one with 400 yards and the other with 600 yards (you all know which one I bought), and each is different not only in design, but in saturation. I have to stop talking about her - I'm getting the urge to go shopping.

I'm also doing something new in the shop. I'm instituting an "Artist of the Month". My first artist is Laura Neal of "Drooling Over Yarn". There will be an interview (and hopefully a picture) of her on the shop site by the end of the weekend. Oh... and I extended the sale through Sunday night in honor of the holiday.

I can't believe that in a month, we'll be on the road to Portland. I've been getting stock for the show, and I think we're going to have more than enough. I'm also working on the shop this weekend. I should be out of pain from those damned shots by then. Tonight, I have to pull three orders and then knit on the sock.

I think I've blathered on long enough. I hope you all have a wonderful holiday weekend. This will be my first one without those damned fireworks blasting for four days and all night long, with the fear that a bottle rocket is going to land on my roof. Things tend to burn up here. In fact, there's a fire somewhere around here right now.

And no, it's not me getting pissed off and yelling at someone.

8 comments:

Laura Neal said...

Oh my, you want a picture of me? I will have to get the hubby to take one, I am all nice and tanned so, that is something.
I hope that you don't have bone cancer. I think you have enough problems without adding that on to it all. I can't imagine going through all of that pain and still being as cheerful as you are.
Emma is adorable. I love that under bite, it is so sweet on her. I love how well she poses for you. You can tell she is her momma's little girl.

Magic Stix said...

sending you unending hugs.

Qutecowgirl said...

Well I hope it is not cancer. Emma is a big girl now. Animals always seem to know when something is up. My Snick is the same way.

Take care

Bezzie said...

Man, I don't know how you do it. I was vacuuming my car today and all that bending and shit, I noticed the exact spot where I had my Moochie-epidural was starting to ache.

Nah, it won't be cancer. That's too boring for you. You won't be done in for many many many years, and then it will be by something cool and exciting--escaped zoo tiger? Maybe a mountain lion? ;-)

mandycharlie said...

I hope its not cancer too.

Have a hug.

look after yourself.

Judith said...

If it's any encouragement to you, I'll offer that a gal I go to church with was diagnosed with bone cancer a little over a year ago and she is looking as good as ever today. She says she's still getting her strength back, but she's standing up to sing in church choir and playing the bells, too.

I hope it's not cancer. If you don't mind, I'll get my mother to pray for you. She's 87 and still prays a rosary every day. I tell her to remind God that soon enough she'll be there to kick him in the balls so he'd better get busy and answer these prayers. :) (My mother to God, "Don't make me come up there!")

Hugs and healing wishes to you!

Marin (AntiM) said...

Poor little pincushion.

Secret said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Hopefully my little gifts and notes will help relieve some of the stress and a bit of happiness when you need it.

Your Secret Pal