Who Needs Monster Movies When I Have My Own?

First of all, the YFIT is NOT doing his job. I know that I have packages coming. Not many, but I do have some. I've had problems with this guy, however. He never delivers packages. Our regular Yarn Fairy must have the day off, because first of all, YFIT was an hour late. Then he delivered nothing but junk mail. Please. This clowntard is too lazy to pick up packages at the post office because then he'd have to deliver them. So, poor readers, I have no pictures to show you today. However, tomorrow should be a bonanza. I've also just been sucked in to one of Sheri's Sneak-Ups, too, so later this week should be a bonanza. Not to mention going shopping at Woolgirl. Uh... I was forced to do it. Yeah. That's my reason and I'm sticking to it.

Last night started out the same way as every other night. We ate burgers for dinner, and then I settled down in the Monster to begin my knitting. Everything was going along just fine until the first mishap. It was time for a cup of coffee.

Ordinarily, this would not pose a problem. However, I had just awakened from yet another unscheduled nap, so I didn't know my name let alone have any motor functions. Hubster very wisely picked up my knitting and placed it far out of harm's way, even knowing which direction I usually throw my coffee and putting my knitting on the opposite arm of the Monster. Sure enough, I not only spilled, I ejected. When I heard dripping on the floor, I knew I had really done it this time.

Two dish towels and numerous paper towels later (not to mention mopping the floor), I was ready to knit again. Or so I thought. I was way late taking my pills, so I downed those. Yep. It happened again. This time, I got myself, the chair cushion, the arm cover, and the footrest. Fortunately, I had never really awakened, so my knitting stayed in the same place it was put in originally. I had to resort to putting a heavy fleece blanket on the seat cushion in order to sit on the damn thing.

I fell asleep again and woke up at 9 a.m. to discover Hubster snoring on the couch. Apparently, he had gotten up to go tinkle and sat on the couch for some unknown reason. It took me some convincing to get him to go back to bed for another hour, and then I fell asleep again. I was awakened at 10 a.m. by his alarm, and I've been up since, knitting on the gussets of the Monkey socks.

I think the Monster has eaten one of my DPN's about four times so far today, my lighter, a stitch marker, my counting bracelet (I somehow undid the damn thing), and who knows what else that I didn't find. Each time, I had to stop what I was doing and dig in the cushions for the missing object. I've managed to find everything, but I can't help but think that the Monster is taking revenge for my soaking it with coffee. Now when I walk in the house, I instantly smell coffee. Is it the coffee pot? No, it's the Monster, reeking of all the spilled joe that I've baptized it with. Now I have to find a cleaner to get all the damned stink out of it.

Not only that, the phone rang early this morning. Who was it? You guessed it.

"HELP! I DROPPED A STITCH IN THE INCREASES RIGHT BEFORE I WAS SUPPOSED TO KNIT STRAIGHT AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIX IT AND I'VE GOT A LADDER RUNNING DOWN TO THE TOE AND I'M USING BUFFALO AND I CAN'T RIP IT BACK ANY MORE BECAUSE IT'S FELTED AND MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE USED REGULAR WOOL BUT YOU DIDN'T TELL ME IT WOULD DO THIS HEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP."

I said, "Me no speaka Angleesh" and hung up.

So far, the phone hasn't rung again, except for someone telling us that we've won a trip to Tahoe.

Thank goodness vacation is next month.

If I can last until then, and the Monster doesn't eat another DPN which I don't have a replacement for.

Time for lunch and a cuppa. Far away from the Monster.