Oh shit, you’re thinking - now what is this crazy bitch going to lay on me?
Depression. Imagine an endless, dark tunnel with no visible light at the end. Imagine barely being able to get out of bed in the morning, because facing the day and doing even the smallest of tasks is unbearable. Imagine all the dark thoughts which flit through one’s mind when they’re so tired, so in pain (both mentally and physically), that they wish the next day would never come.
But that day always seems to come, and you go through the same routine all over again. I’ve been in bed so much that my ass is threatening to fall over the sides of the mattress.
But finally, there is light at the end of said tunnel. Some money has come in, I have food to eat, medications have been phoned in for refill for the first time in two months, and I’m finally feeling like I can focus on things - like knitting a stupid simple pattern without fucking up the stitch count over and over again.
One of the blessings is that a lovely lady in the Dallas area has offered me an older English Bullie pup. Once I speak with her, we’ll figure out the best way to get her home. She’ll make a wonderful companion for Roxy (who has proven to be the best dog in the world), and an even more delightful companion for me. I’ve lived with EB’s for over a decade, and the absence of one is like being stuck in said tunnel.
So I’ve grabbed myself by the tits, pulled myself up as best I can, and now I have another focus.
Retribution.
Well, maybe not retribution - not exactly - more like justice. You see, my dear estranged husband promised - six years ago - to pay me half his salary. While I do indeed get a pretty good chunk of jingle every two weeks, it’s no longer enough to live on. So, after I get my June bonus, I’m hauling his muffin butt into court to seek a revision on the amount I receive. I KNOW he’s making far more now than he was those long six years ago, and I want what’s rightfully mine and what was promised. My hope is that he’ll settle without us even having to go to court because, should I lay eyes on him again, one of two things is going to happen - either I’ll crumble into a sobbing mess (how undignified), or grab his by now shriveled-up balls and squeeze them until he passes out. That’s even if he has any left - he’s never stood up to women - but if he does, I know from decades of experience exactly where they’re lurking in his 501’s. If he shows up and brings his whore, I’ve already prepared for a friend to bail me out, because I’ll rip her to shreds - then deal with him.
The second person I’m working on annihilating is that bitch next door. This is a more delicate process, but either me or karma is going to destroy her for what she did to my sweet Tillie. To me, that’s the lowest of the low - killing a sweet baby who never hurt anybody in her short little life, and all to hurt me. She did more than hurt me - she devastated and almost destroyed me - but now I’m PISSED. And when I hit the wall and get PISSED, all hell is about to break loose.
On a happier note, well... uh... hm. Give me a while to think about that one.
Oh, I know - the love and support of family and friends who have stood by me and made sure I had enough food to eat and enough love to realize I’m important to them. I’m not only talking about people I know - I’ve received care packages from all over the world, most of them from people I don’t know, but with whom I share a mutual friend who facilitated this effort. I have many blessings in my life; now it’s time to drop the self-pity, tie my tits behind my neck, and kick myself in my Jabba the Hut ass. Today is the day.
So, dear friends, enough whining and bitching. Enough of the “poor me” shit. I’m back, and with a vengeance the Goddesses would be proud of.
I hope y’all have a lovely holiday weekend, and a safe one as well. I’ll be working on my many projects, planning some things, and making something other than hot dogs for dinner.
The bitch is back yet again.
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