Friday, June 24, 2011

Rumplestilskin is Alive... But Not Well

Today - well, Thursday - was my birthday. I'd like to say that it was a horrible day, but that would be acknowledging it was even a day. It started out okay, meaning that I woke up. It was downhill from there.

I tried to knit, but I kept fucking that up. At least I got to watch my daytime shows - you know, People's Court, Judge Mathis, others of the same genre. I told Hubster that I was going to take a short nap before we went to dinner. Then I woke up... and it was after midnight. He woke up around the same time. So now he's fixing us dinner. The only exciting things that went on while I was asleep are that Emma peed on my pillow while I slept, and I put my ciggie out on the sheets. Oh... I also dumped a cup of coffee on the bed. So now I'm sitting on a pee- and coffee-stained set of sheets with holes and ashes on them. No gift, no balloons, no anything. I have to wait until the first before we can celebrate because we don't have any money. And even then, all we're going to do is go to the fair. I shouldn't complain, but nobody's listening anyway. Now that I've finished dinner, it's on to a hopefully somewhat productive night of knitting. Oh... and I just hit the keyboard with my ciggie, so the shift key has a burn mark on it. Just shoot me now.

As for the good news, we're finally in the Bay Area for good. Of course, the residence hotel we're staying at is making us leave on Saturday morning because the way Hubster's paycheck falls doesn't allow us to afford the bill. It's on to Mom's and more fun and games. Things over there aren't any better than they are here. I haven't lived at home since 1984, so this should be a hoot. Argh.

To put the icing on the cake, my grandma had a stroke last week. She's not doing too well - she's seeing things like ghost children climbing in the window, monsters under the bed, things like that. I guess she's also wanting constant attention. So while Hubster is working, I'll be entertaining her. Apparently, she's getting on Mom's nerves. Mom has about as much sympathy as a wilted head of lettuce and also the same amount of compassion because she's never been around sickness, but I can't do what I'd like to anymore - you know, simple things like sit and stand. It's going to be interesting. At least living there will allow us to save a lot of money fairly quickly so we can afford to get our own place again. I live for the moment.

As long-time readers know, I usually get maudlin around my birthday, but this one is different. It may well be my last one, and I had really wanted it to be special. I wanted to spend time with Hubster, maybe go out to dinner, perhaps even go to the fair - just be together and have some fun. None of those things happened. While we're celebrating on the first, it's not the same. I still miss having a gift to open, being fussed over, having people over for a party - the things that I used to love so much about birthdays. This one, though... I wanted to celebrate being alive. I guess when you get down to it, every day I'm given is a gift in itself, and I don't need anything to open to celebrate that. I really need to get over myself and just be thankful, period.

It would still be nice to go to Reno or something, though.

Seriously, after reading through this entry, I see that I do have a lot to celebrate. I'm still here. Grandma is still with us, even though I think the end is in sight. Hubster is still with me. We have a roof over our heads and food on the table. And I have you, my readers, some of whom have become good friends. Sometimes we lose sight of what's truly important in life until we're faced with the consequences. I'm going to try to do better and be a better person. Why?

Because life is a celebration.

Happy birthday to me. :)


Syd said...

I know how screwed birthdays can be, seems mine has never been acknowledged by my family, all of who are gone now but my sister. She was the only one who ever remembered. So I decided long ago to ignore them and find my celebration in other things...but it is very sad and disappointing. I do know what you mean..but also understand that you see the gifts still in your life, and that life its self being the biggest gift. Your having another birthday, whether or not you slept though it, is a gift to us who love you! So thank you for being in this Universe, you make it that much better because of your sacred presence. Happy Birthday Pam!

Laura Neal said...

Happy Birthday! I wish your birthday would have been the party you wanted. Yesterday was a crap day here...nothing went right for us but, does make it interesting. Sorry to hear Grandma isn't well.

It will get better but, hopefully, this won't be your last birthday. I hope you have several more.

Joan In Reno said...

Happy Birthday, Pam. Living in the moment is good; we aren't guaranteed tomorrow, any of us. I'd hate to miss the now by looking at something else. I'm always glad you are still here when I check in.

Vicki said...

Happy birtday. Celebrate everything - life is short and no one gets out alive anyway!! Best wishes - Vicki