Friday, December 12, 2008

I'm Totally Overwhelmed

I want to thank each and every one of you who left me comments and/or sent letters, both for my not being well and for sending prayers and hugs and good thoughts for Mom. I know that I'm remiss in answering all your emails, but I'm so overwhelmed with things that I can't get caught up. I'll get to them, but it may not be for a few days.

Anyway, I thought I'd let you all know what's going on.

Mom's doctor called and informed her that she's having surgery on Monday. Of course, I'll be at the prison, so we're leaving from there and hightailing it to the hospital. I want to talk to the doctor because I know that if it's bad news, she may not tell me the full extent. I also want to see her, to make sure that she's still with us. Because of the fast surgery time, I had to take her over to San Mateo (across San Francisco Bay) for an MRI. She saw her doctor again yesterday and will see her GP today. I tried to joke around with her, argue with her, anything to keep her mind off what's looming in the immediate future, but she's scared. It's the first time in my life that I've seen her frightened and vulnerable.

Of course, I'm not only contending with all that. I started my motorcycle class last night. Out of a class of 10, there are three women, none of us ever having ridden before. Trying to study the material is difficult. I ride all weekend, so I'm hoping there's some stress release there. On Monday, after going to the prison and the hospital, I go for my last class. Of course, that's the one where I'm tested for my driver's license. Could the timing be worse? Maybe it will take my mind off of things, but if the news isn't good, I'm going to be shattered. I guess I'll have to deal with that when I come to it.

I'm still not well, and Hubster sounds like he's coming down with something. On top of all that, today is our 17th wedding anniversary. We're both so bummed that we didn't even want to celebrate tonight. I guess we'll go out to dinner next week in San Francisco, but that's all we're doing for that.

We had a mover come over to the house and give us an estimate. It was nowhere as bad as I thought it would be, so I can have my bike shipped with no problem. We have one more estimate to go, and then I think we'll begin packing up all this shit. I can't even see daylight right now, let alone try to pack anything. It has to get done, though, so do it we will.

Sheryl, if you're reading this, I tried sending you two letters which bounced back. Please let me know how to get in touch with you.

Needless to say, all work on the shop has come to a grinding halt. It will resume next week after we hear what the doctor has to say. I apologize deeply to the artists who are waiting to have their work listed, but I can't right now. I'm so sorry.

All the love and support you've all shown to me and Hubster has been a true lifesaver. I really feel that if I fall, you'll be there to catch me. Right now, you're helping me to breathe. There's not much I can say except thank you. Thank you.

And on that note, I'm going to go to sleep. I'm tired, and being awake means I listen for the phone to ring. When it does, my heart stops. When it's not Mom, it starts beating again. So either I'm awake and doing that all day, or I sleep for a few hours and have nightmares. What a choice.

If anybody needs me for anything, don't hesitate to drop me a note. As I said, it might take a few days to get back to you (I'm SO behind on my email), but I will.

One way or another ... I will.


Angie said...

Happy Anniversary, Sweetie. Seventeen years is a huge accomplishment, and you have yourself a gem in the hubster (as he does in you!). I know it doesn't feel like a happy time, but you've got to keep recognizing and celebrating the little joys in life -- especially when things are at their worst. There will always be ups and downs and pain, but there's also always joy... if you can look for it. Love to both of you.

Syd said...

Don'tcha worry about us or the shop...take care of yourself and your mom, and the boys...just be careful on the bike and both you and hubby try to rest and eat well. We got your back.

Bezzie said...

I gotta say, for all this talk of you being behind in the shop, the customers of yours I talk to have nothing but good things to say about your service!

Hold steady chica!!

caillie said...

Happy Anniversary!!! I will keep your mom and the family in my prayers

Laura Neal said...

Hope your anniversary was wonderful. I also hope that life is treating you well. Mom is in my prayers. I will think happy thoughts for both of you.
Sweet dreams.